Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Damn victory sex feels great
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
