I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
