I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
