I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
