He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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