Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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