I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
