no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Did I show you my penis last night?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
