He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize