Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Randomize
