I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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