I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
