you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
