Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
