Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
