so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
