I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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