I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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