Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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