I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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