I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We are all done wearing pants today
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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