Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Randomize
