last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
