I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Still dying that you shit outside
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
