I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i love accidental penises.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
