I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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