all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
