just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
farters have to be the big spoon...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
why is half of my head shaved?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
