It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
