Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
