covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Randomize
