He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
