Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
