i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
