You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
