Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
