Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
not ubering you a puppy
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
