Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Randomize
