I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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