she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
