I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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