Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
