Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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