Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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