Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
