I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
