he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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