im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
