woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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