There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
it wasn't lemon gatorade
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
