I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Houston, we have a blender
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
