That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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