Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
